and i ask myself

Why do i choose to stay home on a Saturday night? Why do i choose to be alone when i can be surrounded by people?

It's one of those times when i have to be alone and re-think. It's one of those times when i choose to be a hermit and stay in my own shell. With minimal disturbance and distractions. To recollect why everything happened and why everything took place. Call it a brand energiser. Call it re-focusing.

Human nature makes us fallible. Human nature also explains why this weekend is like it is. A weekend where draggy-ness reside in me. Draggy-ness for a task that was initiated by a divine plan which was a cross i chose to take up.

Thankfully i had a few people around me in the previous weeks who spoke of higher purposes and higher reasonings. Nick said that one day this would happen and now into the 75% mark it came true. What was sufficient before has reached a flatline where it's no longer enough for the hunger to be satisfied.

When someone searches for God, direction is usually the first stage of this hunger. Direction which can be pointed out through signs. Affirmation is usually the 2nd stage. Affirmation which can be filled by the word. Especially when u know that God is speaking through the word. This current stage is beyond a search for direction as to where to go or turn to, it's beyond affirmation as well.

Somehow this 3rd stage is so very different. This stage demands that there should be more than just a relation. More than just relating to what Christ did, his words, his ways. Above just plainly being able to naturally do what he would do - his ways, his teachings.

It's being able to not only relate but develop something more. Thus far perhaps there's a connection, and maybe even an association for all the things people have said to me. People who do not know whats going on in my life. What's lacking is an involvement.

Just like a couple who might be connected and associate with each other in couplehood, they transend beyond these into a deeper involvement with each other. That's the last step lacking here with me to close this current loop.

Does it mean that the journey is done and finished and over with when this loop is completed? I highly doubt so. It's just a foundation. A foundation to then go forth and grow this mustard seed.